you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
