eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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