yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
