i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize