So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
