TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
