There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
