I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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