Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
