he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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