Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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