the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
