God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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