I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
