Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
