I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize