I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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