Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
