Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
