Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
