I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
