you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
