it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
