she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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