A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
