the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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