she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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