Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
either way he was missing a nipple.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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