i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
