Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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