ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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