I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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