he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Randomize
