I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize