I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
