before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
