you traded sex for a burrito?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
