is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
