I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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