Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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