She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
