Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
