I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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