You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
