You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
