i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
