i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
