I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Randomize
