Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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