it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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