i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
