She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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