I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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