I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
