He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
