2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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