When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
