happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
