Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
