is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
