why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She bit a glass in half.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize