saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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