Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
