The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize