I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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