I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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