What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
