Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize