becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
