I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
