Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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