FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
