so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You need Xanax blowdarts
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
