Are we in a gay sports bar?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
