Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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