what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
