My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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