I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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