Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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