Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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