you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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