My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
