speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
