I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
