ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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