my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
