Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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