it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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