Swine flu. Run for my life!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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