I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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