Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
