Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
