i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
