Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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