My balls are so social today.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
