I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
