I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
