remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's rum buckets o'clock
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
