remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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