Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
